I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
