I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
