Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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