I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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