I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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