Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
