There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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