There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
