if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i came on her dog
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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