is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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