whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize