remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
