Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
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Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
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I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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