Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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