I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
