They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Randomize