Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
