He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
We smell like vodka and hangover
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
