I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
