People in love make me want to vomit
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
