Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
