Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
