My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize
