You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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