Non-Jews are for practice
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
