My hand turned me down
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
