TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
