The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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