I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
