I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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