If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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