it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
