I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
