Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
