It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
