peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
