Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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