I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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