Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
