saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
