Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
