I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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