guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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