PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
