Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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