she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
