Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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