He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
