Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
