Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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