Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
