So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
