Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize