Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
