I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Sext me about skeletons
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
