I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
