remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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