shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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