I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
