So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
