U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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