I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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