Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
two words: eviction party
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
