id be glad to
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
